3 Comments

My Year In Japan - Spring - 春 (haru)

Hi! Welcome to Japan, the Land of the Rising Sun. Have you been before? I had the opportunity to live in this completely marvelous and absolutely foreign (to me) place for 13 months back in 2011-2012. How did I get there? you might ask. You can read about that journey HERE.

My first day in Japan is a bit of a blur in my memory, to be honest. However, a few moments stand out in my memory and I would be remiss if I didn’t recall them for you briefly (despite these recollections technically belonging in my previous Japan post.) I arrived on a flight mid-afternoon, had to circle around the airport with the driver to pick up one of my cast mates and then we made the 45 minute drive from Kansai International Airport to our accommodations. Beyond that, I remember an orientation of sorts in the lounge of our apartment building, getting settled in my apartment, getting a laundry basket full of toiletries and things to get me started in my apartment, and then beyond that, I really only remember two things...my first dining experience in Japan at a yakitori restaurant (yakitori literally means “grilled chicken” and it’s used to describe restaurants whose feature dishes are various forms of chicken that are charcoal-grilled on skewers. They are typically accompanied by other skewers of grilled things and various small plates...SO good.) It was during this dinner that I learned that there are many ways to count in Japanese and the version that you would use in a restaurant to ask for 4 skewers of chicken would be different from saying “4 chickens” which would be different from saying 4 umbrellas. Obviously umbrella and chicken are different...but the number 4 is what I’m referring to here. (For those curious, it’s the different between “yottsu”, “yon-hiki,” and “yon-hon” respectively. But you can also use the word “shi” for 4 in some cases...confusing.)

I then got a walking tour around the neighborhood and saw my first Japanese penis - a heavily intoxicated man was relieving himself on the street near the subway station. He was turned away from the sidewalk and was facing directly into traffic - the least offensive way to pee in public(?????) Ah, memories...I digress.

One of the things that I really came to admire and appreciate about the Japanese and my time in Japan was their appreciation of the seasons and how they honored each of those seasons through their food, their festivals, and their appreciation of nature. Hence the name of this section. It, also, makes chronological sense for this recollection...duh.

So I got to Japan, we got the show open, and I got my bearings...a bit. Then what? Well, I suppose I should give a little context to my community and what I came into to give you an idea of how my life would start to take shape whilst abroad in Japan. All of the foreigners (westerners that were mostly from the US, Canada, Europe, and Australia with a few exceptions) and a handful of our Japanese co-workers all live in this apartment complex called “Kaigandori House.” Kaigandori is located on a man-made island and honestly...I don’t know what the island was called. Was it Chikko? That’s a name on the maps, but so is the subway station Osakako. That was our station - and a lot of the neighborhoods and regions are named after the subway stations (or the other way around?) Anyway, on this island was a grocery store, some restaurants and bars, convenience stores, and the smallest “mountain” in Japan (pretty sure I mean that literally), Mount Tenpō, which is contained within Tempozan Park. Adjacent to this park is Tempozan Mall with some random shops, a big ferris wheel that lights up at night to tell you the weather for the next day (sunny, cloudy, or rainy - red, green, or blue respectively…only 3 settings), and a cruise ship terminal. Near to all of this, but on the opposite end of the island from our house, is the Osaka Aquarium Kaiyukan. So, it feels like there is a lot going on upon this tiny little island, right? It actually felt pretty quiet a lot of the time, to be honest. To be fair, seeing as I worked at the park all day, five days a week, I wasn’t around the island too much during the day. There were several warehouses on an adjacent island, so it kind of had an industrial vibe on our end. Oh, and there was the Junior High School that was right across the street, so we got to watch the occasional marching band performance and hear the daily workouts for PE happening in the yard if we were around. 

The weather - telling ferriss wheel in Tempozan Park

View of Universal Studios and the Tempozan ferry from Tempozan Park.

So, we lived on this island, in a house called Kaigandori. As westerners being asked to relocate to a foreign country for months on end (and mind you, some of the people I met and worked with had been working at USJ for 8+ years!), Universal Studios made sure we each had our own single-person accommodations, gave us a local cell phone for work use, a bike to help us get to and from work, and also train tickets that covered all of the stations to and from work and home. We were set up with Japanese bank accounts where they would deposit our per diems at the start of each month, plus we had a monthly salary and the chance to earn bonuses on top of that. It was a sweet, sweet setup.

Within Kaigandori house, there was a sort of lounge area where people could commune, there was a rehearsal studio on-site that could be checked out, and then there was “dōzo.” In Japan, the word “dōzo” means “go ahead” or “here you go.” Some examples of how it might be used are as follows (a non-exhaustive list by any means): 

  • Scenario 1 - Let’s say you are at a fast food restaurant or a convenience store like 7-eleven and you are waiting in line to check out. You are next in line and the person in front of you completes their transaction. The cashier would then look at you (next in line) and say “Hai, dōzo,” basically saying, “come on, you’re next!” 

  • Scenario 2 - You could be at a restaurant and a host or hostess is taking you to your seats. They would get you to your table and gesture to the seats and say “Hai, dōzo,” as they are inviting you to take your seats. 

  • Scenario 3 - Let’s say you are with your friends and you are having a picnic in the park or at some sort of gathering. Everyone has brought delicious snacks and drinks and you are keen to try that funny looking cracker that you’ve never seen before. You look at your friend and say, “May I?” and they would obviously respond “dōzo, dōzo!” because they are amazing friends and super hospitable. They would basically be telling you, “Of course! Go ahead!”

Well, in our house we had a room called “go ahead, help yourself.” But in Japanese, of course. At the end of the year, cast members who were not staying could take anything they wanted to get rid of (as opposed to shipping unneeded items or hauling them in suitcases or just throwing out good stuff) to this room as a donation to future casts to help them feel more settled and at home in their new apartments. Sort of a “pay-it-forward” situation on a first-come, first-serve basis...and what a beautiful thing that was! I got a rice-cooker, some cute plates, extra cutlery, and a few items in the decor department for sure. Outside of that, I don’t really remember, but I love that the spirit of “dōzo” exists.

Another few things that I quickly realized made life really grand for me in Japan: acquiring a portable wi-fi egg + an iPod touch; bring a part of a mixed cast of Japanese and Gaijin (‘Gaijin’ is the Japanese word for westerners - and most of those in my cast and the Hello, Kitty cast were veterans to USJ and thus veterans to Japan); and my contract overlapping with some of the cast members from the previous year...who were also now, technically, veterans.

I’ll start with the overlapping cast. To get to know and spend time with some of these people was such a dream, because not only did we get a taste of what the shows looked like the year before us (a lot of them change from year to year), but some of those cast members were unbelievably talented (look up LaVance Colley and prepare to lose your mind) and it was a pleasure to get to watch them sing and perform. As well, they were eager to help us new folk get our bearings, show us all of their favorite watering holes, shortcuts around town, and generally have some uninhibited fun with us as they knew that their time was limited and they had little left to lose when it came to uninhibited fun.

One of the best decisions I made while I was over there was to get a portable wi-fi egg - literally a device that looks like a metallic egg - that was a sort of portable hotspot for any device that I had. What I ended up doing was creating a “poor man’s iPhone” before I personally owned an iPhone. I bought an iPod touch and then downloaded any and all apps that I might use, including travel apps, FaceTime, etc. With my little wifi egg, which I think cost somewhere between $30-$40USD per month, I could create a hotspot and use my iPod as an iPhone anywhere, which made keeping in touch with friends and family super easy. I could also navigate my travels (the daily ones and the more extensive ones) with ease and not feel like a geriatric. Definitely the (second) best investment of the year 2011. [**Note - I wrote this and then promptly forgot what the best investment of the year was. Hmmm...I’ll have a think. ***2nd Note - I remembered…The best investment was splitting the cost of my sister’s plane ticket with her and getting her to Japan for a couple of weeks.]

And more important than both things above, I don’t know what my life would have been like had I been in another cast, especially one with all noobs and very few Japanese people in it. Probably a lot more “white” and “western” feeling in my choices of places to go and things to do in my free time. What I mean by that is that I probably wouldn’t have been able to dive as deep into the culture, find all of the local joints, or understand my adopted home as intimately as I did had I not had the cast around me that I had. Or I would have had to work harder for it. Every day when I came into work, I was able to practice my Japanese. I had the coolest and arguably some of the most talented Japanese cast members in my show and in the neighboring ‘Hello, Kitty’ show. I’m talking competition winning BBoys and girls, talented singers, USJ’s Galinda from when they did the musical ‘Wicked’ (yes, Universal Studios Japan did a shortened version of the popular musical in it’s Wizard of Oz themed section...they closed it months before I got there. Dang.) And gosh were they all funny, too. I’ve never laughed so much. Oh, and then there were all of the people that played the Sesame Street characters as well.

Have you ever been to Times Square in New York City? There are these knock-off Mickey Mouses and Spidermen and Marios and Luigis and Ironmen that walk around taking pictures with people and trying to charge them a couple of bucks for it. They couldn’t give a shit if they take their heads off and ruin the illusion, because dang-it, it’s hot and they aren’t getting paid enough. It also feels super janky and scammy. It’s not uncommon to see two or three people dressed up as Spiderman at once; and it’s hilarious to pop into McDonald’s on 42nd Street around meal time and see them sitting in the back with their heads on a chair, eating during their break. When I think of these people, the word professionalism never comes to mind. At Universal Studios Japan, it is the opposite and the Japanese take their character work VERY seriously. They come in and have handlers that help them get suited up in a private dressing area. Only the character actors and their dressers are allowed in that dressing area. Once that head goes on, it doesn’t come off until the show is over, and they are in character THE. WHOLE. TIME. It is really impressive to see their work ethic and their dedication to the illusion of Cookie Monster or Elmo or Bert and Ernie. It was nice to get to know the people behind the characters between shows but, due to the fairly demanding nature of their work, there were always a couple of people playing each character every day. At first, it was hard to know who was playing Cookie Monster or who might be inside Big Bird because they would never say who they were. They wouldn’t even speak through the costume...never a sound! But over time, as I learned how each person played the character, I was able to deduce which person was in the suit and I even had favorites. They were such a joy to work with every day and no matter what kind of day I was having or how much I wanted to roll my eyes at the show I was doing, I always smiled with them around.

I, also, want to mention and give a special shout out to the wonderful western cast mates in my show and in the ‘Hello, Kitty’ show (as we shared a dressing room, they were also very much a part of my experience and day-to-day life): Alice, Charity, Roel, Max, Aaron, Adelaide, & Lauren. The first 3 were in my show and the last 4 were in the Kitty show. I loved them all, but I’m going to zero in on Charity. Charity was one of those veterans who had the ability to come back year after year. She had already done three or four years in Japan when I met her in 2011. Definitely at least three, because I remember she had played Elphaba in ‘Wicked’ for 3 years. It was one of her dreams and it’s easy to see why she was cast. Girl has some PIPES! Her voice is so good. Well, ‘Wicked’ closed and they sent her home. She thought she wasn’t coming back and I think she was starting to make some sort of peace with that (even though it gutted her and pulled her away from the life she had built in Japan over the previous few years as well as being pulled away from a boyfriend and group of Japanese friends that were integral parts of the community she had cultivated.) And then she gets a call and they asked her if she wanted to come back and do ‘Sesame Street.’ ‘Sesame Street’ is not ‘Wicked’, obviously, but I am glad she loved Japan and the life it afforded her and decided to come back. She was my Georgia-born slice of the South, my female counterpart on stage, and we connected almost instantly. She felt like home in multiple ways.

You see, I have been lucky in my performing career to always find a small handful of people that I resonate with and connect with deeply. Through the years, I have accumulated an extended family of sorts that’s scattered throughout the world. This family consists of people that I could go years without seeing in person or without having a deep conversation with for months and then if we were to get together tomorrow, it would feel like almost no time had passed. Charity is one of those people for me.

Not only was she hilarious and thoughtful and fun to talk to, but sharing a stage with her everyday was such a joy. Having fun with her and making her laugh and smile was so much fun. On top of that, she had 3 or 4 years in Japan on me and she was well known and loved by a lot of the performers and the Japanese fans as well. But, unlike some of the performers who, in my opinion, experienced Japan from somewhat of a distance, she dove in head first with the language and with wanting to truly understand the psyche of the Japanese culture and people. She and her friend, Jared, helped me to quickly dive into life in Japan and I’m so grateful they were there and willing to open up their friend circles to me and include me. All of us, the Sesame cast and the Kitty cast, got along and spent some good quality time together. If I’m being honest, though, Roel, Aaron, and Lauren were a little farther from the core of my group - mostly because they worked on the days I had off and I worked on the days they had off, so it wasn’t as easy to get together.

*Watch Charity be ferocious HERE. Watch Charity and her hubby, Mike, be talented idiots HERE. And just be idiots HERE.

So it’s March now and I knew how to time my trips to work to catch the ferry that I wanted; I knew how to navigate my way to work via the subway; I had my crew that I hung out with; I had taken a couple of exploratory trips, both with friends and on my own, to Shinsaibashi and Dotonbori, the main shopping districts of town where all of the nightlife was, where the few stores that sold clothes long enough for my body existed. Where Barbacoa, the Brazilian Churrascaria, did affordable all-you-can-drink-and-eat lunches. 

[**Fun tip: If you like to partake in an adult beverage (and let me tell you...the Japanese love an adult beverage) and you visit Japan, look for places that advertise “nomihodai.” This means “all-you-can-drink” and the price denotes a set time limit. You can usually do different “tiers” of nomihodai and choose from a selection of spirits that are anywhere from “well” equivalent to premium. Just be aware of the selection and time limit before committing. Definitely a good way to feel yourself. For those who prefer to eat until you are about to explode, look for “tabehodai”...although, if I remember correctly, it’s not as popular as the drinking version.]

And then there was Cinquecento. We, affectionately, called it “martini bar,” as the featured beverages there were a range of delicious martinis. Charity used to date the owner/main bartender at Cinquecento, Kazu, and I’m pretty sure he gave us free booze...often. It’s all kinda hazy, now. There were 2 great things about Cinquecento aside from the free booze from Kazu - one was that it was one of the popular “Gaijin” bars in town. This meant that westerners visiting or living in Osaka were welcomed with open arms and it was a good watering hole for those of us at USJ who wanted to get to know the expat community beyond our workspace. It also meant that the Japanese folks who loved Gaijin, who typically spoke decent English for us western heathens, and were curious to make friends and hang out with us (we were the exotic ones in this case, after all) also frequented this bar. The second great thing about Cinquecento is found in its name. “Cinquecento” is the Italian number for 500...and every drink, every cocktail, every beer and glass of wine that was sold in this bar was 500 yen (or approx. $5USD.) We like Cinquecento. 

The only dangers to going out and drinking at Cinquecento were if we happened to go with our friend, Digger, who would drink us under the table and when we said that we’d had enough, he’d say, “Buck the fuck up!” then order us all another round. Also, a general “danger” when out and about at night anywhere would be missing the last train home you having to take a taxi. In Japan, the trains all stop around or just after midnight and start back around five in the morning. What’s the big deal? Well, I could get home for about two bucks or I could spend somewhere around $35-$40 USD to take a taxi 10 minutes to my house. It’s fine if you do it with a group of friends, but murder on the wallet if done alone and more than once a month. 

————

Enjoy some fun pictures from around Osaka below, ordered in a way that I imagine one might stumble upon them throughout a day (beginning with coffee.) A few things of note: the Japanese non-distinction of the English letters ‘L” and “R” in Hotel Robby (lol); the ‘green’ building (cool), the Swarovski covered Mercedes (why?); the cool street art (cool); the hotel with the silhouette of the woman and the ¥1800 (~$18 / 1 hr) sign is a ‘love’ hotel, designed for discreet affairs (bow chikka bow wow); ‘horse flesh’ on a menu (this Kentucky boy could never); the famous crab restaurant in Dotonbori (what? It’s famous…I never ate there…but it is); and then the streets at night (god, I love Japan.)

It was sometime in early March when the first TRULY eventful thing happened to me in Japan (although, I would argue, that every day in a foreign country is somewhat of an event.) Our cast decided to go have a cast dinner once we were officially open and had a little more energy and free time on our hands. We went to a restaurant whose name I don’t know. I just know it was in the Nishikujo station area, had an upstairs private room, and this was an infamous place purely for the fact that our Japanese colleagues were known to get really drunk here (specifically), lose their inhibitions, and sometimes even take off their clothes at dinner and act a fool. 

[*Side note* - The Japanese have a MUCH different view of nudity and the human body than we westerners (and especially Americans) have. It’s not hyper-sexualized over there and, in the case of our colleagues, was often used as a means of comedic relief. I’ll dive more into this later, but just know it isn’t the taboo thing it is over here in the U.S. of A.]

What I love about dining in Japan is that it’s always a communal experience. The expectation when going out to eat is that we order a bunch of things that come on small plates and everything is shared with the table. The bill, itself, is also split evenly. Everyone carries cash on them always, which makes this a fairly easy process. Because it’s Japan, there is no tip involved either, taking the guesswork out of bills entirely. All of this is to preface this particular dining experience at this particular, naked restaurant in Nishikujo and to give you a little more insight into what it’s like to eat out in Japan. 

So we’re sitting around eating, talking, cutting up, having a great time and someone decides to order torisashimi. “What’s that?” you might ask? Well, tori is chicken and sashimi...well, you know what sashimi typically is, right? It’s raw fish. So this was raw chicken. You know how Ahi tuna comes seared on the outside and raw on the inside? This chicken came the exact same way. 

When presented with this, I think most Americans’ sensibilities would dictate that they shy away from eating something like this, right? I mean, of all the meats, chicken would be last on my list to try raw, but I did since it was there. And you know what? Hear me out, now...it tasted delicious. You might ask me, “Patrick, why would you even consider doing this?” Well, my (flawed) logic when deciding that it would be a good idea for me to eat some raw chicken was as follows: “The Japanese are selling this at a restaurant. This means that it is normal for them to eat. They, as a society, are not dying left and right from eating raw or undercooked chicken, so it must be of a better quality than what we would typically get in America. It’s surely safe for me to eat.” 

My thought process is pretty laughable in hindsight. I later learned that the Japanese get food poisoning all the time from bad chicken (and other improperly handled meats.) It is socially and culturally normal for them to eat these things, despite the risks being there, and they’ll occasionally get food poisoning, as one would expect from eating raw chicken. When they do, they just suffer through it as a natural possibility of their consumption of contaminated things...and it goes unreported in most cases - it just comes with the territory. A food poisoning Russian Roulette of sorts.

Another thing I didn’t take into account and really should have when making this decision - most people have one organ that I no longer have: a spleen. This organ is CRUCIAL for filtering your blood and removing toxins, so while other people can get campylobacter or salmonella and conceivably recover from it after a couple of days of stomach cramps and bloody poos, I can’t. It is thus that I spent 2 days getting progressively sicker in my room and going to the hospital on the Monday after and spending 3 days in the hospital. You can read my thrilling account of it in “Unexpected Trip part 1,” “part 2,” and “part 3” on an ancient blog of mine. I wish I could tell you that it was so named because of accidental acid...but alas, no.

For those who don’t want to read more, I’ll give you the CliffsNotes version - after 3 and a half days and 3 nights in the hospital, I got better (and lost 10 pounds!) and started living my life again. Phew! Thank goodness for antibiotics. It was now fully becoming Spring and the Sakura (“cherry blossoms” in 日本語) were starting to come out and give the cherry trees a delicate pink color. Starbucks brought out their Sakura lattes and frappuccinos. There was Sakura flavored ice cream at the grocery stores and Sakura flavored mochi and Sakura Kit Kats! It’s that thing I was telling you about earlier - Japan and their seasonal celebrations. Instead of finding ways to have certain things all year, they celebrate the passing of time and the seasons with a flood of things related, but for a very limited time, thus making it more special. And believe me, I didn’t hesitate to take full advantage.

One of the popular things to take advantage of in Japan during springtime is hanami (hana- flower; mi- to see, look). Basically, people grab a bunch of delicious food and beverages, go find a spot in a park or out in nature where Cherry trees abound, lay out a full picnic underneath or near to some beautiful, blooming trees, and just bask in each other’s company and the blooms while the breeze causes the petals to gently fall like snow around you. It’s lovely and romantic and one of the best places to do this is in a place called Mt. Yoshino where over 30,000 Cherry trees cover the hillsides. So, we went there.

See. People sitting under the cherry trees having picnics!

A couple of things to note about traveling around Japan in general:

  • The public transportation is clean, easy, affordable, and always punctual. It’s so easy to use google maps or an app (my favorite was “Hyperdia”) to plan out your trip and know exactly where to transfer, how much time you have, which trains and buses to take, etc.

  • Most of the major tourist destinations have trains that go to somewhere within walking or bussing distance of the actual attraction. The places that might need a bus to get you the rest of the way almost always have that.

  • If lost or needing help with directions - while you might have a hard time finding someone that speaks English well enough, especially in the more rural areas - having a picture of or the words for some sort of destination or point of interest you are seeking and asking a stranger for help will almost always end in a positive result of them directing you successfully to where you want to go. I found this is almost a universal trait and not exclusive to travel in Japan.

  • If you are an English-speaking human and are wanting to get inspiration, directions, more information, or let’s say you are needing help planning your trip to some specific region in Japan, www.japan-guide.com is one of the best websites you will find for this. Super helpful and comprehensive. They’ll even keep an eye on the cherry blossoms for you and tell you when and where to be to get them in full effect.

  • The Japanese spend a lot of marketing resources on promoting domestic travel. You know why? The country is so regionally diverse - the landscape and regional landmarks as well as the food and language are all so specific to each prefecture. I’m no anthropologist or sociologist, but I believe some of the diversity, especially that found in cuisine and language, is a remnant of feudalism from ages past and how divided the country was for generations and generations. Anyway, when you can delight in so many different regionalisms in your own country, why travel outside? I think that’s the thought anyway. (I have many arguments why traveling outside your country is important…but I’m also not the Japan domestic tourism industry.)

  • The work/life balance in Japan is probably somewhat unhealthy...like...work is everything. Wait, what does this have to do with travel? I’m glad you asked. When you take off time from work, or even when you just go out of town to a vacation-like destination on a normal weekend and your co-workers know about it, it is customary and basically expected for you to return to work with Omiyage (お土産) - local, typically edible souvenirs that are beautifully packaged and usually regionally specific, purchased for your co-workers to share. The thought is almost like you are saying, “Thanks for letting me go out of town and relax and not think about work while you were here probably thinking about work. Enjoy this treat and pretend you were there with me for a moment.” Nearly every train station that is the hub for a tourist spot has multiple shops that are dedicated to the express purpose of Omiyage.

Well, we all met up on our day off, grabbed a train together on the Kintetsu line and made our way to Yoshinoya. Our bags were full of snacks and drinks and our cameras ready to take a million pictures of flowers on trees. What I found fun and interesting about the place in general was that it wasn’t just flowery trees, but temples and a little town and restaurants and a whole ecosystem built up around the fact that there were flowery trees there. If you have the opportunity to go to Japan during Sakura season, I highly recommend Mt. Yoshino for your hanami pleasure.

A few takeaways from springtime in Osaka and my getting acquainted with my cast mates and my new home-away-from-home:

  • Working for a company that basically requires you to relocate and become an expat is typically a luxe situation. If you have any interest in long-term travel or experiencing another culture and have an opportunity like this, DO IT!

  • It took me a LONG time to find good coffee in Japan. I think now, nearly 10 years later, it is more common (in the bigger cities, especially) to find good coffee. When I was in Australia, a place that takes good coffee VERY seriously, I learned about an app called “Beanhunter.” I recommend using this when traveling. You’ll almost always find at least one decent cafe.

  • Convenience stores are KING in Japan. You can buy food, buy snacks, buy groceries, buy concert tickets, buy umbrellas, buy toiletries, buy basic clothes, pay your bills, pay your rent, buy alcohol, and MORE at your local Lawson or 7-Eleven or Family Mart. Talk about a one-stop shop.

  • If you can get over being uncomfortable and miming and just try to speak with your baby talk equivalent in another language (like Japanese), you’d be surprised how much you can communicate, how easy it is to find common ground, and how readily you can laugh with someone who doesn’t speak your language. 

  • The Japanese healthcare system may be odd and I may have missed and desired certain things that seemed common practice in the US healthcare system during my trip to the hospital, but gosh...it’s so much cheaper there. Three nights in a hospital, the food, the medicine - it all cost less than $1,200USD. Why can’t we get it together here in the US?

  • I will say, Japanese drugs sucked. I had an allergy spell and they gave me this herbal shit that didn’t do anything. I just wanted Claritin and Mucinex, but they don’t have that there. It’s got stuff in it that is illegal there.

  • Dissolving a bag of Skittles in a bottle of Vodka overnight and then taking shots with it at a friend’s birthday party the next day is tasty...but is a recipe for a hangover. Don’t do it.

  • Japan was (and is) SO SAFE. Bike lanes are ubiquitous, there was never a feeling of not being safe at night, you could lose your wallet on the street and chances are it would be returned to you in one piece (with nothing missing.)

  • Japanese-style Karaoke beats American-style any day. Not only do you have a private room for you and your friends, but you have a phone line with direct access to the bar to order drinks and food that will be delivered right to your door. They give you tambourines and shakers and props to play with. You don’t have to wait for a bunch of randoms to sing...it’s just you and your friends taking turns.

  • Don’t dye your hair blonde in Japan unless you really trust the colorist...it will turn out orange.

  • Don’t eat raw chicken.

Below are some more pictures of Sakura Season in Japan and my trip with my cast to Mt. Yoshino. If I have one regret from this time of my life is that I didn’t have more of a mind to take pictures, blog, or vlog while I was there. Who knew YouTube and social media in general would be such a valuable tool…I didn’t even have an Instagram then. Ugh.

Cherry trees near Osaka Castle.

Cherry trees near Osaka Castle.

Osaka Castle in March.

Shrines of some sort at a local Buddhist temple near our house.

Ugh…beauty!

The above gallery, beginning with the Omiyage photo, is all Mt. Yoshino. What a beautiful day in my life. Thank you to Ayaka, Shuri, Michan, Yoko, Tomo, Charity, Jared, and Max for making it special.

*Remember to “like” and leave a fun comment if the spirit moves you. Also, if you love travel or just reading stories in general, please share and send your friends that also love travel and reading stories to my website.

**The Summer episode is coming. It’s probably going to happen in a couple of parts because a LOT happened over that summer and some adjacent and pertinent life stories need to be told in tandem to fully appreciate all that happened.

***Is there something that resonated with you in this post or any other posts of mine? Is there something that feels incomplete and you want to know more?? Do you know me personally and have a story that you want my perspective on, in black and white, for all to read??? Again, leave a comment and I’ll be sure and address it!

3 Comments

1 Comment

If I'm Being Honest...

“What do you want out of life?”

“Everything,” he responded.

“Everything? Are you sure?”

He pondered for a moment. It’s true that ‘everything’ was a loaded request. Everything meant taking the negative with the positive. But then again, without feeling sad or alone, feeling happiness and the joy of true community would not mean as much. Without experiencing frustration and failures, the triumph of success and the inner quiet of feeling at peace would not resonate as deeply as they would otherwise. The warmth of the sun would not feel as good when its rays smiled down upon his face if there weren’t cloudy days. And seeing the path before his feet clearly would not feel as comforting and confirming if he didn’t spend some time stumbling around in the forest aimlessly, curious for what else might be out there and content to wander through uncharted territory.

He wanted adventure. He wanted heartache. He wanted love. He wanted to step outside of his comfort zone and push the limits of what he knew was possible for himself. He wanted to try, fall, get up, and then try again. He wanted to laugh and to cry through it all. But he was afraid of the unknown.

“I’m afraid,” he said as his heart beat harder within his chest.

“Of course you are. You would be fool not to feel fear, have insecurity, and be a bit skeptic. But to accept everything means you must be willing to embrace the hardships and walk through those feelings…”

He nodded.

“Even if they last for months on end. Do you understand? Will you bear it all?”

“I-I do. I w-will,” he stammered. “I want everything.”

“Very well,” said the Universe.

——————————

I often feel like the “he” in the above text. I want to make the most out of life and I have ideas of what that looks like for me, but sometimes (actually a lot of times) I get caught up in the vision of the destination and I don’t focus on the systems and processes required to action life into “moving the needle” and making true progress towards that vision. Now, I’m great at playing “visionary.” If you ever need someone to dream big for you, give me a call.

My current challenge for myself, though, is to break down the visions into “producible parts” and action them into my life. It’s frightening…and that’s where becoming comfortable with failure comes in. A part of my psyche that has been engrained in me from a young age has been to people please, not ruffle too many feathers, and to achieve (but to achieve based on what society and public education tells you “achievement” is.) Because of this, I have often been afraid to fail - so afraid that I fail to act at all. As I’ve grown into my own person, though, I am actively acknowledging that within myself and realizing the changes I have to make if I want to truly step into my potential. I’m starting to treat life a little more like an experiment. It’s frightening at times, for sure...and frustrating, too. But it’s also a lot of fun and I feel I am knowing myself better and better these days. Oh, and to be clear…I do want everything out of life. I’m greedy, I guess.

Do you have any tips on being your best self? Are you trying to live your best life, or are you just coasting? What does productivity look like to you, and do you feel that it is overrated in our culture? Give this post a like and leave a comment - I’d love to hear from you!

1 Comment

1 Comment

My Year In Japan - The Journey There

Living in Japan for 13 months changed my life.

I must, first, relate the journey that got me to Japan: I totally manifested that shit. It took me 2 years to accomplish and I’m willing to bet most people will attribute it to perseverance, but let me tell you about those couple of months leading up to finding out I was going through my eyes. If you had felt that energy and experienced that synchronicity that the universe gave me on that audition day, you’d understand what I mean I’m sure that almost every performer that’s ever booked work has had this feeling or something similar happen at one point or another in their career. You’ll know what I’m talking about when I get there, just keep reading...

*A side note about what spurred me to want to audition in the first place, and why Tokyo Disney? One of my top three passions in life has been to travel and to truly experience the world and get to know other cultures first-hand. This job would definitely tick that box. Also, one of my good friends from college, Emma Fitzpatrick, whom I greatly respected and looked up to, worked at Tokyo Disney shortly after she graduated and told me that I was the perfect look and type of talent for the show she was in (Big Band Beat) and that the Japanese people would eat me up. Well, the seed was planted and the year and eight months prior to booking Universal Studios in Osaka continued to water that seed...hard.*

At the time I started auditioning for Tokyo Disney, I was living in Pigeon Forge, TN and was working at a dinner show called “The Black Bear Jamboree.” What’s the Black Bear Jamboree? you might ask. Imagine a cruise ship style review show in a theatre located in a place affectionately known as “Hillbilly Vegas” (Pigeon Forge), where the average BMI of vacationers was off the charts and one of the big draws of the town was clearly all of the “all-you-can-eat” locales. Now, take that show and add a really flimsy storyline to it that helps to tie each decade of featured music together. Now sprinkle in 6 animatronic bears. Yeah...that’s right...I’m talking about 1991 Chuck E Cheese-grade animatronics… I’ll say this about that time - I learned A LOT (about who I was, what I wanted, what I didn’t want, how to put life into perspective, how to have patience, and what endurance felt like) and I was surrounded by a lot of talented people - many who were very comfortable in their lives there, but were competitively talented nonetheless and could have had careers outside of Pigeon Forge had they so desired. Also, despite the talent on the stage, the show itself was garbage. Needless to say, my time in Tennessee had its positives and negatives, but mostly I just wanted out.

Anyway, I began auditioning for Tokyo Disney. I went to their auditions in New York City twice (fall of ‘09 and spring of ‘10) and auditioned for that show Emma had performed in called ‘Big Band Beat’, a great show by theme park standards and certainly better than my current one. On both occasions, after singing my first song, I was “called back” and progressed through the audition pretty far, but never received the call with the offer to actually go. So, the autumn of 2010 rolled around and I thought I would give it another try. You see, although I hadn’t ever seriously considered working at a theme park as part of my personal brand of “a viable career path,” if I were to work at any theme park, Disney would be the one to do it best, I was sure. And I also knew from Emma that they really took care of their international performers at Tokyo Disney. Couple that train of thought with the reality of my time in the Smoky Mountains of eastern Tennessee and my growing desire to travel as far away from “Middle America” or “small-town South” (take your pick) as I could, then of course it made sense in my mind to pour my time and resources into making the trip to NYC and auditioning again. Mind you, not only had Emma planted the seed about my belonging at Tokyo Disney and being perfect for the role, but she also expounded on how her life was changed and enriched by that experience and I really wanted my own version of that for myself. In my brain, it was the perfect ratio of culture, life experience, and quality of life. Unlike cruise ships, were I to book this job, it would give me the opportunity to really dig into a city and a country and a culture instead of being there for a day, getting a taste, and then leaving by sunset.

As I approached this audition, I don’t know if I thought “third time’s a charm,” but that would definitely be an appropriate phrase for the circumstance as I prepared myself. I remember thinking, “This time…THIS time I’ll be what they are looking for. I’ll cater to THEM.” I wore a dark grey (almost black) suit and slicked my hair down, as this was a jazz show I was auditioning for. I was going to be as croonery and 1920s-dapper looking as I could be…surely that’s what they wanted, right?! I walked in and was shocked to find that despite it being 7:00AM, I was THE FIRST person in the room. I thought there must be a problem...these were the Tokyo Disney auditions after all - and if you know the NYC musical theatre audition scene, it won’t shock you to know that a lot of places that have coveted contracts to give to performers typically have hopefuls arriving at 5am to be the first person seen. Slightly thrown off by the lack of turnout, I waited…and began double checking what day of the week it was and comparing it to what the audition breakdown said. Had I gotten the wrong date? Sure enough, people began to trickle in. I was one of the first people to sign up and one of the first people to audition (if not the first) and I thought, as I finished my song, “That felt good! Surely they’ll tell me to come back and move or dance in the afternoon.” They did not...and so I went back to my friends’ apartment feeling dejected.

(*side note - another perk of and reason for my coming to NYC for a full week was that a few of my best friends from college lived up here as well as the friends I had made when I took a sublet from a friend for 2 months in 2009 before moving to Tennessee. It was a great excuse to catch up and remind myself that the world was not all “yee-haws” and “Cracker Barrels.” Also, other auditions.*)

I decided, since I was in town for a week around these auditions, and the day had only truly just begun, that I should just double check and see if there was anything else I could go to…and funnily enough, Universal Studios Japan, the most competitive Disney alternative in the country (ours and theirs), just happened to be having their singer auditions that very day. I requested an audition slot late in the day and thankfully they gave me one. I was going to have a second shot at Japan that very day!

I also decided that I would go into this audition and absolutely be ME. I re-showered, re-styled my hair to make me feel attractive and current, changed clothes to look sharp and feel more like myself, and once again made my way to Midtown, Manhattan. There was no way I was going to guess what someone wanted and try to be that. I was going into this audition with the mindset that I would do ‘me’ VERY well, and they would have no choice but to love it.

I arrived when they told me I should, checked in, waited till my number was called, lined up with everyone else, went in when it was my turn, and sang the hell out of “A Song For You” (you know, the song by Donny Hathaway, but in the style of Ray Charles.) The pianist felt my energy and souled it up. We made music. After being asked by the audition panel to stay and dance and sing some more, I filled out a sheet with all of my measurements, had a polaroid taken of me to accompany said measurement sheet and left the studios just knowing I had booked it. 

You see, there is an energy exchange that takes place in an audition room sometimes (you see, performers? I told you we’d get there.) You feel the room shift a bit. Between the reception and reciprocation of a positive energy with the others behind the audition table, everything brightens, becomes more in focus, and just feels “right”. You fall in love, a little, with each other. It’s really quite magical - and that description doesn’t quite do the magic justice.

The day came to an end, and I left having learned a very important lesson that I continue to learn today in other ways. It is always, always, always better to walk into a room with your head held high and to be authentically YOU, than to guess what people want to see and try to morph to their expectations. People can tell when you are being inauthentic and it almost never goes well.

After the week was over, I headed back to Pigeon Forge, and then around a month and a half later I received an email from USJ (Universal Studios Japan) saying that I was basically on a short list and that it was very likely that I would receive a call in the next month or so as things were finalized. I was, again, reassured that I was going to work for USJ - how could I not? I just needed a phone call…and that’s exactly what happened.

On December 8, 2010, about 30 minutes before my second show of the night at the Black Bear Jamboree Dinner & Show, I received a phone call and was offered a contract to work at USJ for a term of 11-13 months, and I (naturally and without hesitation) accepted the most life-altering contract that I have ever received up until the point of this writing. I packed my life for the 2nd (and definitely NOT the last) time into 2 suitcases, a carry-on, and a personal item, got on a flight and flew half-way around the world to the Land of the Rising Sun.

If what happened that fall wasn’t me visualizing my future; aligning my life’s mission, passions, and desires in my heart; communicating that to the universe; and manifesting a clear path to that visualized future, then I’m a tomato. (That was the first random thing that popped into my head...insert any other random inanimate object if you wish. Or say “Bob’s your Uncle” or something…unless Bob really is your uncle…sorry Bob.)

I spent some time learning the basics of the language before I left, because if ever there was a chance to learn a very foreign language through immersion and being surrounded by it all the time, this was it. (In case you’re wondering, I used Rosetta Stone...I found it super intuitive and helpful.) When I got to Japan I realized that, compared to the vast majority of the USJ newcomers, I was actually pretty well versed in the Japanese language - at least in its structure and the essential vocabulary.

I quickly learned some colloquialisms, verb conjugations, and customs (and their accompanying niceties and turns-of-phrase) and was frequently reminded by my Japanese friends and cast-mates that I had a natural ability for and a fairly decent command of the language already. I took the praise (merited or not) as a token of appreciation from my native friends, grateful to me for making an effort to speak as they do, for learning more, and trying to understand and integrate into the culture of my host-country.

The rehearsal process, itself, went by fairly quickly - I remember sitting in the theatre all day as we put together a show that had never been done before and would likely, after that year, never be done again. One of the most prolific and connected female directors of the park, Kahori-San, was in charge of the creation of this Sesame Street show - the show that I was to be performing in for the next 11+ months. She was different than most Japanese women. I know this, because the Japanese people I knew told me so, as did other westerners who had worked at the park before and had the pleasure of working with her. She had a directness about her that wasn’t found in most Japanese people that I came across - and just a more western feel to her in general. It was as if she had spent years abroad and decided to come back to Japan, or was somehow pulled back, but couldn’t fully shake (and perhaps didn’t want to shake) the changes she underwent from living in her adopted homes, wherever in the world they may have been.

She was accompanied by a guy who was involved with Pilobolus (the shadow/form dancing company based in the US) and who served as choreographer to the show. Rounding out the creative team was the Music Director of all of the shows of the park (or nearly all of them…I can’t remember.) In hind-sight, I wonder what Kahori-San thought of that work - of creating a children’s show? She DID invent a new Sesame Street character for the Japanese audience. Moppy was its name. It was a short, pink dinosaur with a giant round head, a strip of hot pink fluff one might call “hair” on top, and a voice oddly resembling that of the Pokemon character, Pikachu.

In a few short weeks, the show was open and our cast became the “veterans” welcoming the final cast scheduled to arrive at the park to our cast house and to their year at the park - the Monster’s Rock and Roll Show cast. By this time, we were able to really dig into our neighborhood and learn most of its secrets. We were able to find the myriad ways to get to work and had picked which one worked best for us. We knew how to get into town by ourselves and find ‘Jupiter,’ the import grocery store, where we would buy comforts from home. And I would say, at this point, most of us had heard of and been to the handful of “staple” restaurants and bars that I would reckon 80-95% of ALL foreigners who come to USJ go to…or at least went to while they were open.

The feeling at this point in the journey wasn’t a feeling of “home” - everything, from the streets, to the signs, to the immaculate public transit, to the eery quiet of a large group of people, to the sounds of the convenience store doors opening, was foreign. No, one who had never been to Asia or had not grown up with a large Asian population around them could not feel “home.” Rather, it was the feeling, or the beginnings of the feeling, of familiarity - of feeling settled in a new place. Going out the front door was no longer disorienting or overwhelming. It was time to start truly living my life in Japan.

**One final side note to this post - I glossed over a few of the details during this part of my life: a relationship ending, my tour of the south to visit loved ones before I left the country, my purchasing a new mini camcorder that also took stills to capture my year, my thinking I was going to be in a Hello Kitty show and then arriving in Japan and learning the casts had been swapped and it was now Sesame Street I was doing...all interesting stuff, but not super important to me getting to Japan.

***In telling this story, I not only want to paint a picture of Japan as experienced through my eyes over the course of 13 months, but also dive in to HOW my life was changed by this experience. As this story progresses, I’ll take you through each season in Japan with some picture highlights.

****Remember to “like” and leave a fun comment below! Let me know what you like, what you dislike, what you want to hear more of, etc. Share this with friends - especially those that enjoy travel stories. Follow me on the social medias, as well! (follow the links below)

1 Comment

Comment

Exploring Sacredness and Profanity

I don’t know if you have heard of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, but as she describes it in the subtitle, The Artist’s Way is ‘A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity.’ It’s laid out in a 12 week course and each week you, as the reader, deal with different aspects of yourself with regards to your blocks, inhibitions, and habits as they pertain to the overall health of your inner artist and your creativity. Of course, the exercises and the material deals with aspects of self that extend beyond creativity and into the psyche of the everyday, so whether you claim Artist as your profession or not has no true bearing on whether the course would benefit you or not. If you feel you are in a rut in your life and you want to shake things up, I recommend giving this book a visit!

I will warn you, there is work involved. And sometimes the work of being completely honest with yourself isn’t always the most pleasant thing, but I promise you that the rewards of following through with the Morning Pages (a stream-of-conscience style of journaling) that you begin each day with and exploring your more playful side with the weeks’ accompanying tasks and the weekly Artist Date are well worth the time commitment. With that being said, I’d like to just pontificate on some of the things that are circulating my mind recently, due to the copious amounts of self-exploration and self-reflection that I’ve been doing as of late.

Recently, in my Morning Pages, I’ve been tossing around the notions of what we would call ‘The Sacred,’ both with regards to art and as a general concept in the world. I guess the question began, “Are there things that are innately sacred, OR do things become sacred because we humans endow them with a sacredness?”

When I think of things that are possibly endowed by a sacredness from humans, I’m thinking of things like temples and churches that are human built for the purpose of worship, prayer, and / or reflection; the notion of water that is ‘holy’ in a catholic church; the Grotto with water that is supposed to be healing at the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes in France. In the case of holy water, I would argue that it’s just plain water that was meditated on and spoken over with intent. It is because of the story of Christianity (and specifically Catholicism) that is widely held and agreed upon by hundreds and hundreds of millions of humans around the world, that collective’s agreement on the stories contained within the tradition, and their agreement that priests (rather than laypeople) have a special access to divinity through the nature of their profession and therefore have the power to give God’s blessing over the water, that the water becomes endowed with a sacred quality through the will of people. Not because the water is, in itself, sacred.

Similarly, with the grotto in Lourdes and the healing water that is supposed to be contained within, the sacredness comes not from some innate healing qualities within the mineral composition of the water, or even necessarily it’s location, and certainly not because it is found within a grotto, for there are plenty of grottos with water in them around the world. I can then only suppose that any sacred element to this specific grotto is because of the visions of Bernadette Soubirous that were confirmed and affirmed by the Catholic Church and the subsequent stories of the approximately 69 cures that have been verified as “inexplicable” or “miraculous” after thorough medical and scientific examinations failed to find any other explanation. The lore that is implanted in a collective’s consciousness (or subconsciousness) from miracle stories adds to the supernaturalness and supports the notion of the sacredness of a locale in this case.

Then I think about miracles in and of themselves. Are they innately sacred, coming from a naturally sacred energy or force or being? Is there some scientific explanation that we have yet to find for them? 

I also can’t help but think about Japan, the Native Americans, and Cambodia when I wonder about the possible innate sacredness of nature. Let me explain. In Japan, there is a sect of Buddhism called Shingon Buddhism and one of the most holy and sacred sites is a mountain called Mount Koya or Koya-san in Japanese. It is the central mountain in a collection of peaks in the area and the terrain is said to resemble a lotus flower. Was the notion that this place was already sacred as endowed by nature and an external sacred-making being and humans recognized that? Or was it picked just because the imagery, location, etc. aligned with other natural items that are deemed sacred or symbolic within a certain story or set of beliefs? I don’t know. I will tell you, I’ve been to Koya-san and there is a feeling of peace, serenity, and an almost otherworldly quality to it. It feels sacred. And I wonder, as someone who doesn’t subscribe to their religion, why would I feel awed by this place? Is there a power of sacredness that transcends religion and language and culture? Does the mere fact that I know it is sacred to a group of people make it feel sacred to me?

With the Native Americans, I think of the Black Hills of South Dakota and Wyoming, whose sacredness was proclaimed by the Lakota as well as the Northern Cheyenne and Omaha. I will confess, I don’t know a lot about HOW the Black Hills became sacred to them, but from what I have read, it seems as though the hills had places within them that were deemed sites of power where sacred rituals were held. According to sacredland.org, “an Oglala Lakota medicine man, explains: “All of our origin stories go back to this place. We have a spiritual connection to the Black Hills…” The Lakota know them as Paha Sapa, “The heart of everything that is.” That sounds to me as though they were felt to be sacred in and of themselves.

The memorial to honor all of the Cambodians killed and buried in the neighboring fields.

The memorial to honor all of the Cambodians killed and buried in the neighboring fields.

I mention Cambodia, as an example of a country containing a place that is perhaps the near-opposite of sacred - desecrated. [I will preface this by saying that Cambodia, as a whole, was a beautiful country with some of the kindest, smileyest people I have ever met, some beautiful sacred sites, and I very much enjoyed my time there.] When I was there in 2009, I visited the killing fields and learned about the horrible genocide by Pol Pot and his Khmer Rouge back in the ‘70s. The site is now a monument to those who senselessly lost their lives under his regime, To stand on that site...I can’t describe the feeling, but I defy anyone to visit it and not feel the heaviness and sorrow of those that lost their lives and whose bodies were dumped into mass graves there. The somberness and the injustice of all of those deaths is palpable in the air to this day.

So...which is it? Sacredness is thrust upon certain things by humans that are deemed to be of great importance to humans? Or sacredness is innate and humans just discover their sacred qualities? I’m inclined to say it’s a bit of both. There is no denying the power of the stories that we tell that become ingrained in our societies. But I would argue there are people and cultures that find there is innate sacred power within certain places in nature and then allow those places to shape their culture’s narratives and thus increase their sacred factor.

And as an aside, if you question the power of the stories we tell...let’s just talk about sex for a second. Sex, of some sort, is not only a natural desire of most animals (and definitely all mammals) as it is the only means for most species to reproduce and pass their genetics on to a future generation and thus continue the existence of their species as a whole, but humans have, through the ages via religion and belief, held it as a sacred union between two people. And yet, sex is also seen as profane in any other sense of enjoying it outside the descriptions held as sacred through belief. How can something be both venerated and demonized? Sacred AND profane? It’s all to do with intent and context within the stories we accept within society. We underestimate the power of stories...but they are powerful beyond measure. They are what make and identify the fabrics of society and culture. If enough people stopped believing something or doing what society told them they should be doing, it would cease to have meaning. For the record, the only kind of sex that I view as profane is sex of a non-consensual nature. Period. The rest of it all has the potential (read that word) to be sacred, even if you are having it for the first time with a stranger.

So that is what is intriguing me as of late. What makes something sacred? Why are some things that should be sacred viewed as profane? How is it that something can be both sacred and profane at the same time? Does something’s “sacred value” and “weight” change with a culture’s changing values? Are there things that society says are profane that, while not sacred, are actually not really profane? Or rather, are those profane things only profane because a majority of society says they are? If I strip society away from the equation and the stories that society tells about certain things, are there things in my human experience that would stand out as inherently sacred or profane? Or is our reality truly only the sum of our experiences, upbringing, and the stories that we are told through the filter of our society?

Maybe someone smarter than me has an answer...or can shed theoretical light on my questions?

As always, leave a comment, say something nice, like the post, share it, and follow me on Social Media!

IG & Twitter: @patricktshaw

An image I captured a few days ago that I feel represents America’s (and especially New York’s) relationship with the “sacred.” We strive for beauty and greatness and we want nice things for ourselves, but we are surrounded by “profane” refuse that …

An image I captured a few days ago that I feel represents America’s (and especially New York’s) relationship with the “sacred.” We strive for beauty and greatness and we want nice things for ourselves, but we are surrounded by “profane” refuse that we, ourselves, have built up through our lives of excess, immediacy, and exceptionalism. This image, to me, is like trying to meditate in Times Square with a laptop in your lap, a phone in your hand, a homeless person shouting at you, tourists crowding you, 58 sirens going off, and you telling yourself everything is normal and fine.

Comment

1 Comment

Remembering a first: Italia

Let’s go on a quick journey together. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Now open them...you have to read this, after all. Clear your mind of the distractions of your present situation - they’ll be there when you leave this and you can deal with them then.

Now, in your mind, picture a large town square surrounded by ornate buildings, that on first glance, appear to be one large building per side. The street-level façade is spanned by arch after arch - an arcade - that supports a covered walkway, protecting any pedestrian from the heat of the summer or the rains of the winter as they go about their day. 

Imagine this square has an ornate basilica on one side and next to that is a tall brick clocktower that cannot be missed, as it is at least twice the height of all of the buildings around it.

Envision this piazza at night. Just outside of the arcade, spaced at regular intervals around the entire square are wrought iron street lamps that reach toward the sky. There is one light perched on top of each one and three curving iron arms, slightly below, supporting three more lamps. These classic looking lamps bathe the surrounding piazza in a warm, golden light and illuminate every square inch of flagstone-paved street.

Listen carefully and you can hear the coo of dozens of pigeons whose homes are the surrounding buildings and who strut proudly around the piazza, gently buffeted by the thinning crowds of humans taking pictures, perusing menus, or doing some last minute shopping in the square. You can also hear the gentle buzz of the crowd, the conversations over a delicious meal, the tinkle of laughter on the air, the clink of silver on plates. If you strain, you might even be able to hear the sound of the water in the nearby canals, gently lapping at the edges of the walkways next to them or the dozens of gondolas and boats that call the canals home.

On one side of the square, opposite the basilica, there is a slightly raised platform in the middle of an area that is roped off for diners of a particular restaurant. On the platform rests a baby grand and around that, five chairs are arrayed in a sort of semi-circle. A string quintet and a pianist are passionately playing Nessun Dorma, an aria from the opera, Turandot, to a nearly empty square. You stand in the middle of the square called San Marco (or St. Mark’s in English) in Venice, Italy and take this all in. A tear rolls down your cheek and you smile because, in your wildest dreams, you couldn’t imagine this exact moment in time and space happening to you; one of your favorite arias is being played in a town on the Adriatic Sea that you have romanticized about visiting for some time now. It’s your first time to Europe and this is your first night in Venice. You just had your first TRUE Italian meal. The feeling in your soul is that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing.

This was my experience upon going to Europe for the first time. It truly was a magical moment in my life, one that I can still see and sense clearly in my mind’s eye today as sharply as if it was yesterday, despite it having been over 12 years since I first experienced it. The romance, the food, the history, and the culture of Italy all pervades your senses to result in something quite unforgettable. It was the perfect place to begin my love affair with Europe and with traveling in general.

Do you have any experiences like this one? Travel firsts? Or perhaps you are an experienced traveller who has then gone to someplace so completely different and breathtaking than what your typical travel is that it stops you in its tracks and all you can do is stand there and just take it all in? I’d love to hear about it! Give a like and/or leave a comment.

Piazza San Marco: a shitty digital camera’s impression circa 2008

Piazza San Marco: a shitty digital camera’s impression circa 2008

Venezia, September 2008

Venezia, September 2008

1 Comment

Comment

Ways In Which Innocence Wanes And Departs

When it comes to beginnings, as far as childhood and upbringing go, you couldn’t get more clean-cut-standard-middle-class-southern-white-American-dreamy than this one. The jock and the cheerleader were high school sweethearts, were married at a young age and had 2 children, a boy and a girl, two and a half years apart from each other in age. They were a church-going family. Both parents were hard working folks who aimed to give their nuclear family a solid foundation to build upon. They lived a comfortable life, but the children weren’t spoiled by any means. The parents expected excellence from their children’s performances in school and in extracurricular activities - not because the parents needed to prove anything, but because they knew their children were capable of it and why wouldn’t you give everything that you set your mind to 100%? At least this was the way it seemed to the eldest child, the son, upon reflection years later.

Thomas would later recall, with his sister, that their childhood seemed “charmed.” Sure, there was sibling rivalry, arguments, uncomfortable silences, and the death of a grandparent in those early years to name a few examples of “imperfection,” but there were no broken bones, no hospital trips, no community upheavals that rocked their world and altered day to day life by much.

It was therefore, with overwhelming shock, discomfort, and a decent helping of consternation that in Thomas’s eighteenth year of life as a senior in high school looking towards his future, the veil was lifted and the real world came flooding in.

If you spoke to Thomas about life before this, he would tell you that the only signs of the erosion of innocence within his life came from his quiet, internal struggle with homosexuality...another story for another time. To Thomas, those urgings could be controlled, quelled, or kept in the dark...at least for the time being. It was when things beyond his control crept into his life that he felt innocence was truly being forced out of his life.

The first sign began around the holidays. It was merely weeks before the winter holiday break, and as was his body’s tendency when nearing the end of a marathon of activity, sleep-deprivation, and general over exertion, Thomas started getting a tickle in his throat that was a sure-fire sign of strep or tonsillitis or some other similar ailment. No, no, no, this can’t be happening, he thought. He had a solo in the school choir’s Christmas concert and he needed his voice to be there.

His mom took him to the doctor a few days later, you know, once the illness was clearly getting worse and not better. His mom always did that. She always insisted, “Let’s be sure you can’t fight it yourself. Let’s be sure you actually need medicine or a doctor’s prognosis and medicine before we seek it. You’re tough.”

With only an examination in the bag, the doctor declared that, based on symptoms and what is typical in the realm of disease within those symptoms, Thomas probably had strep throat. It could be tonsillitis, but we would treat it as strep with antibiotics to knock it out...just in case. With amoxicillin in hand, Thomas left the doctor to live his life. 

A couple of days after beginning the amoxicillin, he developed a rash that really couldn’t be explained other than from his taking of amoxicillin. After all, that’s the only thing that had changed in the past couple of days. The weird thing was that Thomas had never had an allergy to penicillin-based drugs before, so he thought this odd. Perhaps the doctor did, too, but he didn’t think enough about it to do any further inquiry - just to change the type of antibiotic.

Thomas got better and plowed through the rest of the semester, sang on mostly healthy vocal cords, and had a fun and healthy rest of the holidays. All seemed well…

In the spring semester, Thomas started noticing random bruises on his body. There was never an explanation as to where they originated from. It was possible he banged his knee on a table or hit his arm on a door frame or something of a similar nature, but he couldn’t really tell you why as he’d never been prone to bruising before. But the bruises were prevalent enough that his mom began to notice and asked a couple of times why he was banged up. He just shrugged them off - after all, he felt fine.

The only other concerning sign that something might not be quite right came with the summer and Thomas’s desire to get into better shape. As a lifeguard at a local pool, Thomas would stay early or leave late in order to work out in the gym attached to the pool’s clubhouse. It was on his runs on the treadmill or elliptical, particularly the sprints, that he noticed something odd happening. When he would get his heart rate up, he’d taste the metal of his own blood in his mouth. Looking in the mirror, he realized his gums were bleeding. Again, this seemed very strange...he felt healthy and fine and he took good care of his teeth. What could be causing this sensation? Surely not some sort of degenerative gum disease?

It was through his physical for college and the blood work that was needed that things started coming to light. He had gone to get the physical on a Thursday or a Friday and on the following Saturday, after having spent the morning out with his family, he came home to a message on the answering machine saying that he needed to come back in for some follow up blood work but that he and his parents should call back immediately.

With a slightly elevated blood pressure, and rising anxiety, the family called back to learn that when they got the test results, Thomas’s platelet count was desperately low. The doctor explained that 150,000 to 450,000 platelets per microliter of blood was normal. Thomas’s registered 11,000...less than 10% of the acceptable low. Perhaps it was a fluke of the machine, but to be sure, the doctor wanted to see him on Monday to re-draw and do another test. It was at this time, that a hematologist/oncologist was introduced into the mix at the hospital. After going in and doing another Complete Blood Count and learning that his platelets were even LOWER (9,000), Thomas was put on a healthy dose of steroids, which can help in these situations, as well as having about 7 or 8 other vials of blood drawn to test for everything that could be causing this abnormality; Lupus, Leukemia, HIV, and ironically enough, the “kissing disease” mono(nucleosis) were all on the table as viable options as well as several others. In the end, the only thing that could correlate and explain what was going on with the low platelet counts were antibodies for mono.

What did it mean? Well, Thomas learned that sometimes when a person contracts mono (which incidentally can cause a rash reaction to penicillins!) if that person doesn’t rest properly or take care of themselves for a couple of weeks while they are enduring the virus, their body can have an adverse reaction by means of spleen enlargement. This is precisely what happened to Thomas, and this spleen enlargement triggered an auto-immune response in the body called Immuno Thrombocytopenic Purpura or ITP for short. When this happens, the body sees platelets as foreign objects in the body that must be destroyed, and that’s exactly what was happening to Thomas. His body was destroying platelets quicker than it could make them.

As the saga of treatment and putting off a splenectomy continued through the summer, another type of innocence was coming to a close in Thomas’s life. It’s that child’s innocence that projects on the adults around them, who in the child’s inexperienced eyes (and with help from good moral behavior on the adult’s part in front of the child) see adults as nearly perfect and infallible, having all of life's answers. All of the adults in Thomas’s life that were part of his family’s close circle of friends were jolly, kind, married (happily), fun to be around, and had children themselves that happened to be some of Thomas’s best friends. Through his eyes, they were an extension of his parents. I’m sure to his parents, they seemed an extension of them as well. After all, they did mutually choose each other as friends.

What Thomas learned that summer is that things aren’t always as they seem in the world of adults. Oftentimes adults put on a facade to some extent, even to their friends. This author would argue that is especially the case within faith communities where moral uprightness and righteousness is sought by its members and the more socially unacceptable thoughts and actions are shunned, seen as “sinful,” or looked upon with some degree of shame.

It was an early evening in late July or early August and Thomas’s mom called him while he was lifeguarding and said she was coming early with dinner and that they were going over to the Carr’s house. She sounded a little tense and perhaps emotional on the phone as she followed that statement up saying that Alice, the mom of Thomas’s best friend, called and said that her husband, John, had done a very bad thing and that she needed some support as she’d just kicked him out of the house.

As an adult, in the thick of the situation, I can imagine that even though the situation itself might not be shocking, Alice’s emotional buildup and release through her unpleasant revelations would still be very horrible. As a teenager who knew nothing of the situation, Thomas was stunned. What could have happened to them? What had John done? How were the boys? It wasn’t until a few hours later, as the sun was extinguished with the coming of night that Thomas’s innocence was also doused in the full realization of the truth. John Carr had been cheating on his wife, Alice for the better part of the last 6 years. Thomas’s parents knew there had been some unrest in their marriage a few years ago, but obviously didn’t think to burden Thomas or his younger sister with this knowledge. 

Apparently, the couple decided to make things work for their sons and to gloss over some of their marital tribulations. That is, until the woman John was sleeping with got fed up with keeping it a secret. She wanted John to leave Alice and be with her. In her impatience and frustration of being “the OTHER woman” and John not being forthcoming with his wife, she took matters into her own hands. She sent Alice every email that the two secret lovers had written to each other over the past several years, providing evidence of all of the times John had gone on “solo” trips that turned out to be not-so-solo trips.

Thomas couldn’t imagine the deluge of fury, hurt, and grief that Alice must have felt, opening email after email and reading about the trysts that were being planned, seeing her husband’s betrayal in black and white. Or what the sons must have felt having their trust in their parents shattered like that. Thomas, and his parents, both felt a little betrayed themselves. The family they thought they knew was not so known to them anymore. Thomas still knew and loved the boys that he had spent all of his childhood with and as far as humans go, Alice and John are decent humans. They just made some mistakes, as we all do.

The charm of childhood was wearing off. That feeling that everything was going to be alright, that everything was as it seemed was waning. Thomas was no longer sure that “good” meant what he thought it meant. Despite all of the good fortune his childhood had afforded him, he was learning that life wasn’t always going to feel this easy. Life wouldn’t be laid out beautifully in a spread before him to consume at his leisure. He continued to learn this as he navigated his way through his first semester of college, dealing with the impending splenectomy that took him out of school for a week, and then, later in the semester, a 2nd degree ankle sprain that kept him from auditioning properly for the spring musical, 42nd street.

It wasn’t until years later, after the eventual splenectomy, after Alice and John had found happiness in other partners and their boys grew up and started living their own adult lives, that Thomas started really seeing the world as it was and championing vulnerability and authenticity in his own life - not to mention, seeking a healthy dose of silver-linings. The faith foundation that had been so carefully built for him by his parents and church community, their ideas of right from wrong, what “sin” is, and what REALLY matters to God, if there even is one that can be defined by and confined within a single religion, all had to be dismantled by Thomas, carefully examined, and rebuilt or refitted in a way that better explained the world, history, the present and what real “goodness” is.

Everyone has their own pace at stepping into the full reality of the world and leaving childhood behind. I could argue that part of nostalgia is a melancholic mourning for that lost innocence of a youth when life seemed easier. That is why I believe it to be one of the more dangerous emotional and mental states that humans can live in. If unchecked, we stop living in and embracing the present and we start longing for a romanticized past that feels easier and simpler...even though, if we examined our pasts with an accurate lens, we’d still see plenty of reasons worth abandoning it and living in the reality of now. But this is adjacent to the point, not the point itself.

The point, at least in Thomas’s case, is that innocence is more an illusion - like Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. It is also that society and “nurture” play a huge role in the way that we filter and view the world around us. If someone had presented a healthier and more well-rounded version of reality that showed the light and the dark of the world with all of the nuances of gray that fall in between, Thomas would have realized that the gray is what makes up 99% of the world. The pure white and the pure black end of the spectrum are merely bookending points. Thomas eventually came to this understanding, but it was a conscious effort on his part to do so. And the effort continues to this day.

Also worth noting is that, through this ongoing journey of life, Thomas has learned that the meaning that humans tend to apply to certain circumstances in their lives as either Karmic or as a praise/punishment response from The Divine because of other prior circumstances and behaviors we humans have displayed is not nearly as important (or accurate an assessment) as the subsequent action or inaction taken in response and reflection to those circumstances. THAT’S where the true meaning comes from. The meaning to our lives and the circumstances therein comes because WE give them meaning. Also, hindsight is 20/20. Try not to judge in the moment. Follow your intuition. Make the world a better place because you were there.

Comment

Comment

Restless - A (Mostly) Tuneless Song

[Verse 1]

It’s 2am and I’m all alone, slowly winding my way back home

To an empty bed where I feel so small without someone by my side.

As I lay there willing myself to sleep, I think of past lovers I didn’t keep

Hoping one of them feels my heart crying out no longer hiding what’s inside.

[pre-chorus]

They say good things come to those who wait,

But how long will I have to

Wait for a text or a call from you

Telling me what I felt was true

[chorus]

I’m restless

My body is still but my heart is roaming around

I’m not sure who I’m searching for

But I’ll know it when I hear the sound of you

Coming through my door

The way you make me feel

You’ll always leave me wanting more…

But I know I can’t make him stay and hold my hand

That’s why I’m always left feeling restless again. 

[verse 2]

I go back and forth, I’m not sure what’s best: 

A hand to hold and a head on my chest

And a love that is sure as the sun will rise in your beautiful eyes every day

Or to give every man who walks through my door

Little bits of my heart till there’s nothing more

We play the games that lovers play at night, but both hide our souls away.

[pre-chorus]

They say good things come to those who wait, 

But how long will I have to

Wait until fate comes and satiates

My heart’s growing hunger for you

[chorus]

I’m restless

My body is still but my heart is roaming around

I’m not sure who I’m searching for

But I’ll know it when I hear the sound of you

Coming through my door

The way you make me feel

You’ll always leave me wanting more

But I know I can’t make him stay and hold my hand

That’s why I’m always left feeling restless again. 

The chorus came first as I was walking home from work late one night in New York City. It even had a tune with it. Sometimes that happens to me - an idea partially formed will just fill my brain, and if I don’t write it down or do something with it, it tends to slip away. I sat on it for quite a while (about a year and a half!) and finally wrote verses and a pre-chorus. If there are any musicians or songwriters out there that see any potential, I’d love to collaborate and write the whole thing, music and all.

For now, I am thinking that Mondays are going to follow a more narrative format and Friday is going to be a little more sporadic and might include poetry, musings, advice, recommendations, and other such things. As you get to know me, if you have thoughts or recommendations or requests of some sort, please comment. And as always, give us a like if you didn’t hate it!

NYC Summer evening ‘19

NYC Summer evening ‘19

Comment

4 Comments

Stories Worth Telling

Welcome to my website, reader! I’m not sure what brought you here, but I hope you stay a while. This particular writing is the first in what I plan to be many, both fact and fiction, that have been central in my life’s narrative (as well as come colorful imaginings and artistic ramblings that resonate within.) I can’t guarantee there will be a rhyme or a reason to all of my future writings and posts – I imagine it will be ever evolving for a bit with the common thread being me and my experiences. BUT in the meantime, if you find something that resonates with you, tickles your fancy, tickles your funny bone, or makes you reflect in some way, please like and leave a comment beneath it. Or just say hi!

Do you remember the first book you learned to read? Mine was “The Poky Little Puppy,” one of several books in the Little Golden Books series. I don’t really recall the premise of the book, but I remember that once I learned how to read that book it wasn’t long until I was devouring every book I could get my hands on. Books led me to create the worlds I was reading about in my head, allowing myself to inhabit them in my imagination. Reading facilitated the curation of my creative brain with new material and fed my growing imagination, helping to satiate my curiosity of the world as a child.

 

As I got older, there was a time when reading became a bit more of a drudgery. When the requirements thrust upon me by standard education, extra-curricular activities, and a desire to be a little more social in my adolescence, as I believe is fairly common in our society, led me away from reading for pleasure. I was kept busy elsewhere for the better part of my middle school and high school experience. Plus, all of the reading that came with school tended to be books that were not chosen by me and therefore “not as fun to read.”

 

Despite this time of my life where I shunned reading in general, I still loved to go to bookstores and hunt for books that piqued my interest; books that I wanted to read for the sake of reading. Walking into a bookstore always felt warm and inviting. To this day, when I enter a bookstore, I can’t help but marvel at the rows and rows of books, wondering just what knowledge, wordsmithing, and imagination lies behind the covers bearing names of authors known and unknown to me. I can spend hours looking at magazines, whose easy-to-digest writings are typically accompanied by rich photography – helping to transport readers visually into the world they are talking about. Then there are all of the non-periodical writings on any number of subjects that are just as delectable to consume.

 

The short of it is that reading other people’s stories always gets my own creative juices flowing. Whether it’s fiction or non-fiction, books allow me to enter the world (real or imagined) through someone else’s eyes and perspective. They stoke my own creative fires, make me wonder how I would tell my own stories, how I would shape my own commentaries I have on the world and cultures as filtered through my perspective and experience.

 

I will partially credit books and the imagination that they gave me to the life that I have built for myself thus far. Books spurred my desire to travel, to see exotic places, to experience other cultures, and to deep dive into the experiences that life can offer if you are brave enough to adventure into the unknown. In just over a decade’s time, I’ve lived overseas, performed all over the world, been to every continent except South America and Antarctica (I’m mad about the South America one…I want to go so bad!), visited at least 55 countries, met some truly amazing humans, had some truly wild experiences, and have generally not had enough time to truly digest and synthesize it all.

 

Some of the most formative and life-changing of those adventures came to an end and not once did I have the chance to sit down with someone and say “let me tell you about my year abroad” or “can I take you on a journey through my life for the past few months via the pictures I took and tell you my stories?” Not that I needed to expound and reflect in a masturbatory way to my parents or friends about my experiences. But to truly incorporate them into my psyche, to truly make the most of them in my daily life and my creative life, I think some sort of reflection is necessary.

 

About this, I will also say that as a writer, performing artist, creative producer, and storyteller, I believe it is important to cultivate moments and experiences in life that lead to great stories and serve to fuel the imagination. My plug to you to do something out of the ordinary today (or tomorrow) and maybe step out of your comfort zone.

 

Naturally, as time went on, I began to take some of my experiences and write my own stories down. The stories that stuck vividly with me through the years; stories of heartbreak and of complete joy; stories that helped to define the adult Patrick; stories that were funny or ironic; stories that will forever be etched on my heart and in my brain. Some of them have led to other writings of mine – fictional writings – or ideas for plays, shows, performance art, etc.

 

But what good is a story if it isn’t shared?

 

So here I am. Sharing with you, the reader, my stories. A portion of my soul. I will try and be as uncensored and honest as possible. I plan to dig deep. I hope that stepping into my world and my imagination does something positive for you. I hope you can find ways to relate to me, despite our different journeys. If you are inspired to travel, to tell your own stories, to examine your life a little deeper, to adventure more, or just to read more and maybe giggle a little, then I am glad. If you just want to be a voyeur into my life and join me on this creative experiment – I will also be glad.

 

All are welcome. Buckle up!

I aim to post every Monday and Friday, so keep an eye open!

4 Comments